Her Wedding not Your's

Her wedding not your’s…

A few weeks ago I began receiving request from readers on some issues they would like to see addressed in our literary love affair.  Among the concerns, marriage and weddings appear to be the hottest of topics right now. I am noticing a pattern within the realm of marriage and weddings; women are applying the pressure on other women regarding this matter. 

Now everyone is entitled to their opinion, but what is less practiced is the action of keeping your opinion to yourself sometimes.  If you are not an active player in someone’s daily life what makes your “assessments” valid, necessary or even warranted? Grant it we grow through our relationships with others, but there is a clear distinction between supportive constructive comments and critical condescending statements. 

Remember not everyone woman will get married or have children, this is just how our world works.  Why is it so difficult for others to grasp that we are all not the same? 

One of my readers wrote in stating, she has been in a relationship for over seven years and now she and her partner are deciding to get married- sounds fairly normal, yes? Well this reader was met with some hostility regarding this, she was told by some acquaintances of hers that it makes no sense for her to get married now because she has been in the relationship so long so what is the point!

I apologize in advance for what I am about to say, but my first instinct is to back slap the person saying what is the point.  If any of you can enlighten me to the meaning behind “what is the point” I will be open to listening, but I am confused at how someone can disregard two peoples decision to determine on their own when they are mature enough to enter the union of marriage.  My reader was further advised by this lower frequency being that attending her wedding wouldn’t be special, it would be like going to a regularly scheduled party. 

My greatest concern is not with the person who made the comments, but with my reader.  We are responsible for the company we keep.  The person making the above comments has shown this type of disregard behavior before and it was either ignored and/or accepted.  As I wrote in last week’s entry, “we choose the people we have around us, make them earn that place in your life.” It is all of our responsibility to take inventory on the deposits and withdrawals people make into our lives and the individual saying “what’s the point” will have you on overdraft. 

To my reader to whom this situation is personal to and for all that this story applies to, I strongly suggest having the conversation about how these comments make you feel.  If you are not comfortable having that discussion (sometimes confronting someone can be a scary thing) distance yourself from this person and I highly suggest they do not receive an invite to the wedding.  You want to have wedding guest that are going to share in the love and light of the couple and the ceremony, accept nothing less than that. 

ASHE’

Selah Rey